11th January – Chemo time

Shit, it’s chemo day. What the hell is going to happen? How am I going to cope with this? Ooh I’m a bit peckish. I can’t quite manage proper food, and I’m quite happy that my last meal before chemo was burger and chips, so I make a raspberry, blackberry, banana, oat milk and chia seed smoothie, it was pretty tasty but quite seedy which I’m not the greatest fan of.
We managed to waste away most of the morning by playing ‘Boo’ and hide and seek with Filly and by making food for her and packing bags of snacks, books and magazines for Ally and I to take into hospital. I’ve decided that I’m going to get a new book for each cycle of chemo, my first book is Ben Fogle, Accidental Adventurer, Ally and I both have a huge crush on him. Alyson arrives to watch Filly and we head off to town.
We don’t have to wait too long before my name is called. As we walk into the room I have a complete breakdown and sob into Ally’s chest. I just couldn’t stop thinking that I didn’t belong there and I’m terrified that Filly will grow up without her mummy and I hate the fact that I’m putting my family through this. I’m quickly ushered onto my ‘chemo chair’ and the kind nurses bring tissue and draw the curtains around me.
Once I’d pulled myself together, and apologised needlessly but profusely until they told me to stop, they got to work with putting me in my cold cap. Ally delighted in taking photos of all of this – bugger that he is! After the cold cap was fitted, and before they switched it on, it was time for the dreaded cannula. The nurses soaked both of my hands in hot water for a good 5 minutes to soften my skin and to, hopefully, bring my veins up. It worked and my dear nurse Rosie got my cannula in on the first try and with minimal pain and fuss. After this they turned on the cold cap machine and rapidly cooled my head to around 20 degrees Celsius, it was a bit uncomfortable for about 15 minutes but after that not too noticeable. I did take 2 paracetamol 30 minutes before my appointment which I think helped. After half an hour Rosie, my nurse came in to start my drugs. I’m having FEC-T chemo for my first 3 cycles which consisted of 5 large syringes pushed through my IV alongside a bag of saline with then 2 other bags of drugs to follow. It took 2.5 hours to get all of the drugs though and we kept busy by chatting to Rosie and doing quizzes on the Internet. We are University Challenge obsessed and very competitive over our scores, so we had to be careful not to shout at each other too loudly.
After the drugs had all gone through I needed to wait another 90 minutes with the cold cap on, this actually passed quite quickly by reading and replying to all of the lovely messages I’d had through the day.
After 90 minutes we were sent packing with 9 tablets per day to take and an injection to go into my tummy each night for the next 5 nights – eeeeek. We will see how that goes tomorrow, good luck Ally!